The S.O.A.B.R.B Dinner Party
I think everyone should perform an exorcism at least once a year. I’m not talking about a full-on head-spinning-pea-soup-spewing exorcism. I mean the kind where you purge your personal ‘demons’ so you can move forward sans baggage and face the future fresh as a daisy.
Still not convinced? Here’s the thing – each of us has one (or more) people in our lives at any given time who broke our heart, made us miserable, or REALLY pissed us off. A boss who fired you, “friend” who stabbed you in the back, business associate who screwed you, boyfriend who dumped you a week before Valentine’s Day. Get the picture? And I feel it’s necessary, healthy really, to acknowledge them and their dastardly deeds in some ceremonial way (pitchforks and torches optional). You purge the evil and move past it. (Or think up clever ways to exact your revenge without threat of prison.)
Thus the “Son-of-a-Bitch-Rat-Bastard” dinner party was born.
I’ll set the scene: head over high-heels for a guy, excited for him to finally meet the friends over dinner at Chez Karin. Three days before the party (and incidentally, a week before Valentine’s Day…how convenient, for him), the proprietress of Chez Karin gets dumped. Tears? A few. Cancel dinner party?? HELL NO! The menu is set, groceries and wine bought, plus why would I want to miss an opportunity for my closest friends to help me rip the bastard apart? I believe the surest cure for heartbreak is laughter, good friends and great food. The S.O.A.B.R.B. dinner party is now celebrated annually in my house and looked forward to by all with great anticipation and glee (and sharpening of pitchforks).
There are a few rules to adhere to, so get your pencils:
1. Everyone must share one story. (We don’t stick to this one religiously — the wine flows and with 6+ people memory starts to get a tad foggy…)
2. You MUST refer to your ‘evil doer’, regardless of gender, as a ‘son-of-a-bitch-rat-bastard’ and that MUST be followed by ‘PTEW’ while pretending to spit on the floor, as if just the thought of them left a vile wicked taste in your mouth. Please don’t spit for real. No hostess is that gracious, and if you do you may be remembered “in absentia” at next year’s event, if you get my drift…
3. Updates on unfortunate incidences in the lives of previous S.O.A.B.R.B ‘honorees’ are allowed (such as bad hair color jobs, toupees, weight gain, and marrying MUCH younger women…hence the bad hair color jobs.) However, these should not be dwelled upon, (unless you are all having way too much fun to let it go.)
4. At the end of the gathering you should all join hands together in a circle, and wish the collective S.O.A.B.R.B.(s) love and light. Hmm, we never seem to get to this part…tee hee hee….
5. Consume lots of good food and wine, and LAUGH…A LOT!