Lighten Up & Weigh In!
It's been about a year since I've weighed myself. I mean REALLY weighed myself. The way that God and the AMA really meant me to be weighed. The way my mother taught me. First thing in the morning, buck nekked, after peeing, and before eating or drinking anything.
So naturally I was amused to read this article about "Tricks" women use to get their weight down. Tricks my jiggly bum! It's not a trick, it's science! We just want the most accurate read. Which is, of course, also the lowest read that can be legitimately obtained on a properly functioning scale.
There are so many things that can get in the way of being properly weighed. For example, wet hair. I may be naked but if I am fresh from the shower, it doesn't count. My hair can soak up a couple of pounds. Pounds that I'm not claiming unless I earned them the old fashioned way. By eating the kids' leftover Halloween candy.
Winter weigh-ins are especially tricky. It's far too frosty to go naked for very long and my pajamas would throw everything off for sure. Just as well this week, as I think I have PMS. We all know that PMS has an effect on the scale that is not unlike magnets on a compass.
Ever get on a scale when you were feeling a little irregular? Me either. There's no point in weighing yourself when you're constipated. Unless you're one of those people who have a sick fascination with knowing how much your potential poo weighs.
Another reason I can't weigh myself? The scale is in the bathroom. The floor in there is not perfectly flat. An uneven floor does not an accurate scale reading make. But how am I supposed to bring the scale down to the kitchen, buck naked, first thing in the morning, shivering in the frosty cold, without making myself a cup of coffee? And once I've had that cup of coffee? All bets are off. There's no getting an accurate reading then. Not even if I bend my knees and spread my toes, which is also very important because if my toes get lazy? I gain a half a pound. Toes matter.Continued on the next page