I was just trying to get to a yoga class - Page 3
My daughter is still sleepy, exhausted after a seizure, but I'm going to this yoga class. I have to go. I must go. I can't stand not going anymore. I pull her out of her sleep and work her stiff hands into her uniform shirt. Her wrists bend near the cuff and I can't get her hand through and have to take it off completely and start over. The same happens with her ankles and feet but finally she is dressed and I half-walk, half-carry her into the kitchen, lift her onto the stool and wrap a bib around her neck. I spoon oatmeal into her mouth, wiping when it drips and saying Come on, please Sophie. Please just eat. Please stop drooling. Her eyes roll to the right and I brace for a big seizure but she comes out of it quickly and continues to slowly chew. When she's done, we walk back to her room and she lies on her bed, falling asleep.
As I put on her shoes, I glance at the clock and see that The Husband is late, that my class is going to start in ten minutes and it takes fifteen to get there and another five or more to park and go inside. I will not be able to make it but I'm strangely not irritated because I knew it all along. When The Husband finally arrives he tells me Go, Go. You need to go. I came home only because you want to go. I tell him that it's too late and that I won't be that late but that it doesn't matter, anyway and not to worry. And then The Husband explodes and is angry, so angry that he's come home and I won't go and it all comes to a head, the anniversary, the sixteen years and we have a colossal blow-out sort of fight, the kind where when you're done, you've said and gone through it all and you're purged and empty and it's all right, somehow, because that's the way it is. We're both sorry and we hug tenderly and he goes back to work and I'm going to get Sophie and bring her to school myself, but she's fallen asleep again on the bed so I leave her there and go into my own room, climb into bed and lie there, stunned.Continued on the next page