Kristen Stewart’s Complaint, "I Want to Be Alone"
Dear Miss Bob, I am a really good actress and I’m really hot looking, although my posture could stand a little work. I lo-o-o-ove acting, ever since I was cast as the angel in my Sunday School Christmas pageant. Not “an angel,” mind you, “the angel.” Here’s the thing, I would like to be an actress but I am terribly shy and don’t want to be approached by people and bothered by the press. What should I do? Sincerely, B.S. McActress
Dear B.S., There are plenty of options for people who want to act but don’t like the attention generated by the press and those icky fans. You could try community theater where you will have a wide choice of roles and even get the chance to paint props, sew costumes, and strike sets. Or you could do what the rest of us do—get a job and act like you like it. If the job thing doesn’t work out for you, you might try marriage. Your friend, Miss Bob
Pity poor Kristen Stewart—she can’t go to the mall. Surely everyone who has ever been to the mall can sympathize—would I rather have millions of dollars or be able to spend the pittance I’m making flipping burgers on cool stuff at Hot Topic? Well…no contest…let’s go to the mall.
Stewart is also bothered because she “can’t be outside often.” The Associated Press reports that she shared these feelings in the February issue of Vogue. Please don’t think she’s shallow—she is also concerned about how to spend “the money she’s made from her work.” (Could someone remind Ms. Stewart that, as always, my mailing address is readily available?)
As the sexiest man on television (Stephen Colbert) would say, “Oh-Boo-Hoo.” Privacy is the price you pay for fame whether you’re a hot young actress, a politician, or Charles Manson. It’s a trade-off; prospective celebrities make a decision, “Do I want to be ignored or do I want to be famous and make lots of money doing a job I love?” Non-celebrities make similar choices every day (do I want the station wagon that will carry the whole family and groceries or should I get the sexy convertible? Regular or diet? Paper or plastic?); we just don’t know it because the paparazzi aren’t following their (our) every move.Continued on the next page