Is the Sex in the City Approach to Relationships Causing Regrets? - Page 2
How do we approach finding someone to share our lives with that decreases the odds that we will regret the decision in 2, 10, 15 or 30 years?
Based on research I have done, anecdotal evidence from a variety of happily married couples, and my own experience over the last 15 years with my husband, much of it relies on how we deal with the physical aspect of our relationship.
We all value self control in the area of finances, eating, drinking, ambition, our emotions, etc. We recognize that if any of these internal drives are out of whack, it affects our ability to make clear, rational and wise decisions and influences how we relate to other people. If we are out of control in one area of our life it becomes a dead weight and drags many other areas of life down with it.
But do we apply these same values to sex for ourselves and any prospective romances?
Perhaps it would be wise to step back from the James Bond, Sex in the City approach to relationships and take an intellectually honest look at the status quo.
I have two litmus tests for regrets waiting to happen. Both involve testing self-control and real intentions, while helping us keep our heads clear. One litmus test for regrets waiting to happen—is whether or not your mate is willing to control himself for an unspecified or indefinite amount of time—in spite of his attraction to you.
A second gauge is to discuss whether or not your partner is willing to participate in and cooperate with you in the form of birth control you use. Natural forms of birth control involve cooperation between partners and intermittent times of self-control. Most women choose these forms of birth control to avoid exposure to synthetic steroids that are detrimental to their health, but find that they also have tremendous relationship benefits.
Hopefully, the researchers at University of Illinois will go deeper into the why’s behind the “I wish I would/wouldn’t of’s…..” and give us a roadmap to relationships with fewer regrets. In the meantime, working on increasing our self control in the various areas of our lives and asking for self control from the men who are lucky enough to be with us, may get us more of what we want and fewer backward glances with not so happy looks.