Conflict Solution Touchdown
When you think about someone who pushes your buttons to the max what kind of words come to your mind? Do you think arrogant, abusive, abrasive, aloof, all-knowing, angry, annoying, and asinine? I bet we could go through the alphabet letter by letter and find tons of words that fit.
Hot button people are really fun as well as irritating. “Are you nuts?” you may be wondering. Not really. Look at it this way; button pushers are the ones who can help us grow to be the best leaders in town. Another term for button pushers is petty tyrant. They are in charge until we learn how to handle them.
Why? First of all they force us to look inside at our internal triggers. Guess what! It is easy to assume that external forces cause most conflicts. “They did it to us”. Not so! It’s when external forces come into conflict with our internal beliefs and patterns, ah, that where the problem really exists.
So here is an easy to follow five-step plan to tackle the abusive, abrasive, aloof, all knowing, angry and asinine people who are our bosses or co-workers, our neighbors or friends, our parents or children, our spouses or lovers, the stranger we sit next to in a restaurant or on a bus.
First: Cool down. That’s right. Take a deep breath; actually many deep breaths. There is so much research on how working with our breath is healthy and calming for us. Here is one great example. Begin breathing from your core, it’s a spot about two inches lower than your navel. It has many names in the martial arts, for now let’s just call it the core.
Put your intention there .See yourself taking deep breath after breath from this core place. Best to do in a standing position, arms relaxed at your sides. In the case of breathing for power practice makes perfect. Once you get the hang of it you will begin to feel a calming presence and you are ready to continue on your journey to handle conflict with grace and ease.
Now: Slow down. In business where we have all learned the maxim “time is money” the tendency is to go to solution in the blink of an eye. Don’t do it! This is the time to look around and think about all types of solutions that may work. Think about all the things that upset you and search for as a minimum three solutions or ways of talking with the button pusher. When we jump to solution too quickly the long term benefits of the conflict are lost.Continued on the next page