The Paranoid Guide to Better Living: Tossing Out the Nuclear Trash
And now your host, Paranoia:
Welcome to this weeks' edition of The Paranoid Guide to Better Living. This week, I'd like to aim a nuclear weapon at your forehead, just in case you get out of line. What? There aren't any spare ones? Ok, do we have any still aimed at China, Russia, North Korea and Iran? Those are the questions we'll be asking if Obama completes his plan of depleting our nuclear arsenal stockpile.
Now, it's not all on Obama. We've been paring down our nuclear weapons since 1989. In fact, we've reduced our stockpiles by 75% since then, leaving us with around 5,113 nuclear armed weapons left. Obama hopes to reduce that by another 40%, getting us around the 3,000 mark by 2021. What is on Obama though, is the whole leading by example thing. To my knowledge, no one is following.
If we're the only ones getting rid of our nuclear weapons, then that means that someday our enemies will have more nuclear weapons than we do. That can't be good, right? While we are disposing of the weapons, countries like Iran are trying to develop some. It would be cheaper to just buy our castoffs. We've sold them guns before, why not nukes? May as well keep up the game.
Because it is all one big egotistical game. It's a dick measuring contest that we've already won, but we must continually tea bag the world by starting and funding conflicts. How many of our conflicts were fought against our own weapons? Hell, Rambo helped out the same group of people we're fighting in Afghanistan right now, armed with our machinery. They made a whole movie about it.
I'd almost like to think that this announcement of dropping our stockpiles by another 40% is a direct response to Fidel Castro predicting a nuclear war with Iran. Of course, he predicted this to happen during the World Cup, and it clearly didn't. He was keen enough to correct himself. He's old. Give the guy a break. Yeah, we probably have one of those 5,113 aimed at his head.Continued on the next page