Hi. I'm Mitt Romney. I'd Like to Be Your President. I'M Crazy, TOO. - Page 2
ONE OF YOU! ONE OF YOU! GOOBLE GOBBLE! ONE OF YOU!
A whole trash can filled with garbage? You old bastards managed to heave an entire trash can filled with garbage onto the stage?
Look. It's clear you like crazy. That explains why you like Newt the serial adulterer. That explains why you like Michele Bachmann who thinks Abraham Lincoln signed the Constitution. That explains why you like Trump who looks like he had a cat die on his head and nobody ever told him. That explains why you flock to Sarah Palin and sniff up every fart she expels from her Twitter account as if it smelled like fried chicken.
I CAN BE CRAZY TOO! LOOK! LOOK! You'll like this story.
Remember when I told you about the time I took my family on a long car trip? Before beginning the drive, I put Seamus, our family’s big, happy Irish setter, in a dog carrier and attached it to the station wagon’s roof rack. I had even built a windshield for the carrier, to make the ride more comfortable for the dog.
This is the funny part. As my oldest son, Tagg, (and see, Sarah Palin isn't the only ones to give her kids weird names that don't mean anything) he sat towards the back of the wagon keeping his eyes fixed out the rear window. That's when he saw the first sign of trouble. ”Dad!” he yelled. ”Gross!” A brown liquid was dripping down the back window, payback from an Irish setter who’d been riding on the roof in the wind for hours.
Well, you can just imagine the hubbub. As the rest of my many, many sons joined in the howls of disgust, I coolly pulled off the highway and into a service station. There, I borrowed a hose, washed down Seamus and the car, then hopped back onto the highway. Now that's what I call emotion-free crisis management. I wonder what ever happened to poor Seamus.
Pretty crazy, huh? See? I do crazy stuff like that all the time!
Oh, very funny. You're throwing dog biscuits now. Ha ha. That's so funny I almost forgot to laugh.
Look, you idiots! Here's the choice you're gonna face next year. You're going to be trying to unseat a guy who just hunted down America's worse enemy since Hitler and shot him in the eye. IN THE EYE, people! All the birther crap? Fell flat on its face. All the "It wasn't really Osama?" Even the developmentally-disabled Michele Bachmann has seen the picture and SHE says it was Osama! The economy is getting better, slowly but surely, and by 2012 we're going to be facing a strong, well-funded, popular incumbent.Continued on the next page