Awww! I Made the Pauliannas MAD!
OK, so what did I learn from the 30-or so "Paulites" (as they call themselves, which is a much nicer term that one I used to read on the web site "The Wonkette" where they were referred to as "Paultards" which I think is horrible and grossly unfair because developmentally disabled kids and adults have ENOUGH challenges in their lives WITHOUT being compared to Ron Paul supporters... so I will have to think of a new thing to call them and will do so by the end of this column.)
1. They like Ron Paul.
2. They don't like people saying mean things about Ron Paul.
3. Ron Paul will save us from the "nanny state."
(And wouldn't that be a nice thing? We each get assigned a nanny who would put bandaids on our boo-boos and make sure we have hot, chocolaty Ovaltine waiting for us at the end of a long winter school day, who would read us a story before bedtime and check under the bed for monsters, the boogie man and Ron Paul?)
4. I have a funny last name. Two of my critics said they were, in fact, ME! Which under the laws of physics (which Ron Paul would no doubt repeal because it's all sciencey and junk), they CAN'T be ME because I'M Me!
5. One respondent, a doctor, has a larger penis, I mean, IQ than mine, so he's right and I'm wrong.
6. It's only satire if it's not making fun of something I believe in.
7. Those of us in the Media (NOTE TO EDITOR — Hey, Curtis... are we "The Media?) are shivering in our pee and poo-stained underwear in fear of Ron Paul and his legions of followers which is why we make fun of him and try to marginalize him and his literally dozens and dozens of followers.
8. I'm a terrible writer.
9. Ron Paul is right! The free market will keep us safe from polluters and people who would take short cuts in food safety and stuff and who needs government anyway? And if a few people have to die from e-coli infections or when a highway bridge falls on them, that's the price of FREEDOM!
10. Of all the Ron Paul's in the world, he's the Ron Pauliest!