A New Bible for Republicans
Last night, in the usual half-hour I spend pondering the mysteries of the universe, I asked myself this question.
"What are Republicans good at?"
The answer came swiftly.
"Pretending they speak with the authority of God, and rewriting history to reflect their political agenda."
Oh my, yes! Is that ever true! Conservative "Christians" use the bible like a truncheon, to whack non-believers on the head with cherry-picked scriptures that support their point of view, while ignoring the ones they don't really cotton to.
For instance, they LOVE to tell the gays they are hell bound by quoting Leviticus 20:13 — "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood [shall be] upon them." What other gems of good behavior can we find in the King James Version (KJV) of Leviticus?
Leviticus 20:18: And if a man shall lie with a woman having her sickness, and shall uncover her nakedness; he hath discovered her fountain, and she hath uncovered the fountain of her blood: and both of them shall be cut off from among their people. (No making "uh-uh" during the "monthlies!")
Leviticus 20:10: And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death. (Wow! Only three verses away from the homo one! I'm lookin' at YOU, Newt and Trump!)
Leviticus 11:7-12: And the swine, though he divide the hoof, and be clovenfooted, yet he cheweth not the cud; he is unclean to you. Of their flesh shall ye not eat, and their carcase shall ye not touch; they are unclean to you. These shall ye eat of all that are in the waters: whatsoever hath fins and scales in the waters, in the seas, and in the rivers, them shall ye eat. And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you: They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcases in abomination. Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you. (So, that pork sausage and shrimp on the barbie? Verboten! To hell with you and your unclean eating habits! It's in the BIBLE!!!)Continued on the next page