TheFurFiles - Single Again After Sixty-five Years, Wedded Woes, Sexy Time Don't List - Page 5
Portly In Portland
It’s like last week I thought I’d contracted the Herpes virus from my dentist. He had this weird sore on his mouth and he was getting pretty close to my face while drilling out my cavities. Anyway, after that, I saw lesions on people’s faces everywhere. But you don’t get Herpes from having a cavity filled, you say. Correct. It’s called paranoia my friend – the same thing that’s plaguing you right now.
Besides, you are the one who invited your girlfriend to see you at work. What were you thinking? It’s like you are a dancer at “Long Dong Silver’s” and you ask your grandmother to come and watch one of your shows and then she refuses to have you over the following Sunday for milk and home baked, chocolate chip cookies saying, “Harold, what you do for a living is obscene. It goes against my moral standards and I will not acknowledge or support a grandson who engages in such things.”
OK, so your brain had gone on vacation when you invited your girlfriend to see you at work. You can’t take that back. Now, you really only have two options. One, you can accept the fact that you love to drink beer and eat nachos, and you rock that belly of yours – lights ON in the bedroom – or two, you do something about your weight.
That’s right, you might have to make a change. When it comes to weight management and exercise advice, there is so much stuff out there, I know. Lucky for you, I’ve sifted through most of the bull$#@% and it is with the utmost confidence that I recommend you buy Tony Little’s famous “Gazelle” freestyle elliptical trainer. For the low, low price of only $199.98, you too can have the legs and torso of this spectacular African animal. The “Gazelle” promotes whole body movement, working your buttocks, your hamstrings, your quadriceps, your calf muscles, your core, your shoulders, your chest AND your back. And it does it all in one compact and very economical machine. How could you go wrong buying something from an infomercial anyway? Pick up the phone today and get a free head and wristband set with your purchase. Don’t wait. Call now!Continued on the next page