TheFurFiles - Loopy Over The Little Things, Sleeping With My Ex, A Change Of Heart
Madame Floretta “Fern” De Villiers, a.k.a. “Amanda Fox” is an author of erotic fiction and commentary. This is her weekly advice column.
Friday, March 4th, 2011.
My ex and I have been broken up for about a year. We don’t hate each other or anything; we just realize that we are two very different people. Fairly regularly though, we’ve been getting together to have sex, until two weeks ago that is, when I met someone else. So I told Brett. “Brett,” I said, “I’ve met someone else…” And he said, “You wanna hook up this weekend?” And I said, “Uhhh, no!” And then he got mad and hasn’t spoken to me since. Like WTF?
Bewildered In The Bronx
And your problem is???? [Note the confusion in my voice.]
Let me make two things very clear. First: most guys will jump at the chance to have sex whenever they can get it – old girlfriend, bimbo, streetwalker, whomever. Take Charlie Sheen and Tiger Woods for example. So if you’ve been giving it up to Brett on a semi-regular basis and then suddenly you take it away, he is bound to be upset. It is like taking candy from a baby, something that – contrary to popular belief – is NOT the easiest thing in the world to do. With their tiny little “vice-grip” fingers, they can hold onto Popsicle and sucker sticks like the aforementioned Charlie Sheen holds onto his “girls”, paparazzi or no paparazzi.
Second: Some people couldn’t put two and two together even if you told them, “Hey, two and two together equals four.” Your boyfriend sounds like he is one of those people. As is my neighbor Millie. Why just the other day I was out cleaning my garage and she came over to borrow my toothbrush – something she asks to do on a regular basis, and to which I always reply, “No Millie, you may NOT borrow my toothbrush.” I mean, who would do that?
Anyway, Millie is in her mid forties, the exact same age as me with the exact same birthday and everything, which is why – other than the fact that I think she is a really sweet person – we’ve established a very deep connection. Sadly however, Millie is not quite right in the head, having suffered some sort of horse and buggy accident when she was as a teenager living with the Mennonites. Thus, sometimes she doesn’t know what is what, as I think you can tell from her toothbrush-borrowing proclivity.Continued on the next page