TheFurFiles - Daunted By Divorce, Hollywood Hookup, Brother Could Do Better
Madame Floretta “Fern” De Villiers, a.k.a. “Amanda Fox” is an author of erotic fiction and commentary. This is her weekly advice column.
Friday, January 28th, 2011.
I am in love with this guy and we want to get married, but I’m nervous. Don’t almost fifty percent of marriages end in divorce? What should I do?
Scared Of Becoming A Statistic
“Heaven’s Messenger” on Yahoo! Answers (my most trusted source of factual information), says that the divorce rate for first marriages in North America is 50% – yikes, you were right. He/she also says that it’s 67% for second marriages (double yikes), and a whopping 74% for third marriages (triple yikes).
Thus, methinks that you have every right to be concerned, however…
Numbers aside, are you telling me that you don’t want to get married because of what “might” happen?
Like you’d choose NOT to take gymnastics' lessons because you “might” break your neck trying to learn how to do a back flip?
Like you’d choose NOT to get romantically involved with 50 Cent because you “might” catch some sort of deadly venereal disease from him?
Like you’d choose NOT to be friends with Paris Hilton because she “might” say terrible things about your fashion sense behind your back?
Instead of being so negative, Scared, I think you should look at the prospect of getting married in a more positive light. Look at it this way…
The chances of winning Lotto 6-49 are 1 in 13,983,816. Translation: Don’t leave your job at Pizza Hut.
The chances of an amateur golfer scoring two holes-in-one in a single round are 1 in 9,222,500. Translation: Don’t leave your job at Taco Bell.
And according to Fiction Factor, the chances of having your first novel hit number one on the New York Times Best Seller list are “really stacked against you”. Translation: Don’t leave your job at Giant Tiger.
Now, as the chances of staying married are a colossal 1 in 2, I’d say you should go for it.
If you DO end up getting a divorce though, don’t worry, you’ll only be doomed to a life of more broken relationships, lost loves, unremitting heartache, dismal days and even lonelier nights.
If this too “scarwee” for you Scared, maybe I should just shoot you now.
My husband is jealous of everyone and everything – he’s jealous of my work mates, my friends (only four of which are really good-looking, hunky guys), my parents, my brother, my dog – Joseph the Weimaraner, my hamster – Edward “Punchy” McLaughlin, my iTunes, Facebook, MySpace and Habbo accounts, my “Sepbora Collection Color Play 5-in-1 Fashion Edition” make-up kit, and my “KQC X-Heat” tourmaline ceramic 1” flat iron that I’ve named Sizzling Sindy.Continued on the next page