Doctor, Stop Tweeting During My Colonoscopy
Technology in the era of “Always-On Communication” has never been more offensive. Just because we CAN tweet, text, post and poke at any given moment, doesn’t mean we should. If our culture is to survive another 100 years, a renaissance of respectful, real conversation needs to begin. A recent study by ABI Research found that 7 trillion messages will be sent worldwide this year. On average, a woman will blast out 716 texts a month versus a man’s 555. Our need for virtual communication has gone wild!
Like every other tool, there’s an appropriate time and place for its use. The following are “real-world” examples of wrong times and inappropriate places for virtual communication. Do I really need 140 characters to describe my feelings in these situations? I think four characters would suffice.
-Therapist thought revelation about “bed wetting after sex on first dates was tied to early memory of inappropriate confection use by ice cream man” was Tweet-worthy DURING our session. Inappropriate. (The Tweeting, not the peeing.)
-Emotional confession from a friend who believed Mom turned him gay so she’d have someone to watch “Antique Road Show” with...I glance down to check e-mail and there’s a joke about swimsuit models and donut holes. Laughter during tearful confessions, gay or straight, absolutely wrong. Just because the message is hilarious, don’t check it during heartfelt moments. Shame on me. Okay, back to your mother...
-No matter how unskilled I may be at the oral art of woman pleasuring, it’s just plain wrong to start sexting other guys. Even if you think I won’t notice, I can still hear the passionate flittering on your keypad. Can you feel me now? Rude. (But can I see you again??)
-I did my part to keep the line moving with 15 items or less. Unfortunately, I was interrupting the checker’s speaker-phone conversation with her single mom girlfriend whose toddler had some explosive, Guinness Book of Diarrhea, bowel movements. Don’t bother ringing up the chili, hun.Continued on the next page