The Dancing With The Stars Conspiracy Theory
Look, I'll admit that I'm a big fan of conspiracy theories. I own just about every book that's ever been written about the Kennedy assassination except for the one by Vincent Bugliosi that claims to prove that Lee Harvey Oswald was the lone gunman. So I may not be completely objective on this one, but if Bristol Palin doesn't get ejected from Dancing With The Stars tonight, I'm going to start looking for that penthouse on the top floor of Parkland Hospital that houses JFK, Elvis, and Howard Hughes.
After last night's dances, if Palin sticks around for the semi-finals, there can be only a few possible explanations. The producers could be massaging the results to prop up their ratings or because one of them is on the Sarah Palin 2012 presidential campaign committee.
Given that we've now had our second nauseating video package of Bristol, homesick, returning to Wasilla to rehearse before Mommy and the First Dude, I'm growing ever more suspicious. One can only hope and pray that the clip of Sarah Palin asking her daughter if she was going to "give her partner a lapdance" will show up in every Democratic candidate's commercials in 2012, although I suspect her supporters find that sort of pabulum endearing.
The other possibility is that Bristol genuinely is getting sufficient fan votes to stay in the competition. If so, they must be coming from some kind of Tea Party robo-calling, because it certainly can't be from dance fans longing to see Bristol woodenly limping through some new version of a dance we used to previously enjoy watching. Her samba last night made my eyes bleed.
So I'll be watching closely tonight to see if the results match the expectations. If Bristol survives another week, I'll be looking for puffs of smoke from the grassy knoll.