Boobs In The News
No, I'm not talking about John Boehner, Rush Limbaugh, or Sarah Palin. This falls more in the category of "Things you didn't know you needed to know until you saw them on the internet, but then decided you HAD to know more." No need to thank me. I'm here to help.
First we were treated to the important information that Elizabeth Hurley's breasts contained no saline, silicone, or silly putty. I probably couldn't have slept another night without adding that data to my already overcrowded mental library. I only wish it could serve to erase the image of Hugh Grant with the transvestite hooker that flashes on my internal movie screen whenever I think of Elizabeth Hurley (and that's even after having seen "Bedazzled" at least six times.)
With National Breast Cancer Awareness Month not rolling around again until October, I figured that was probably the final mammtastic news bit of the week, but I'd yet again underestimated the narcissism and publicity hunger of Hollywood's finest.
Staring out from the cover of Lifestyle magazine is none other than poster-child for the American Academy of Truly Heinous Plastic Surgery, Heidi Montag (Pratt), letting us know that she's grown weary of her 46EEE mutant implants and wants them removed post haste. Perhaps she considered it a message from God when her plastic surgeon, Frank Ryan, drove his car over a cliff in Malibu.
You've got to figure Heidi is getting some mighty strange messages from God. While on I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here, (yes, I watched a few episodes...but it was between seasons for Dancing With The Stars) she and her then boyfriend Spencer Pratt spent even more time talking about faith and Jesus, than they did whining, which was no small thing. That was right before the breast implants, the Playboy pictorial, the release of the Heidi and Spencer sex tape, and the ensuing charming exchange of Tweets between her and her ex. Kind of makes you wonder what Jesus would have done...well, for a start, I imagine he'd keep those rumored cave paintings of him and Mary Magdalene to himself, but you never know.