Satire: Grimace Eliminated by McDonald's, No More Gender Neutral Characters
Grimace, the bumbling but lovable McDonald’s character could be phased out as soon as 2012.
In an announcement on Monday, McDonald’s issued a statement saying that “gender neutral characters are not going to be part of the McDonald’s family in the foreseeable future.” In addition, all gender specific characters will be given updated identity makeovers to enhance gender specific traits. The change in direction comes from recent increased pressure by the political activist group known as KGNCAFF, otherwise known as Keep Gender Neutral Characters Away From Our Food.
Here are the proposed changes as reported by McDonald’s:
Ronald McDonald: Increased muscle size, possible eye patch and a forearm tattoo. Larger defined crotch area with a five o’clock shadow.
Fry Guys: Eliminated
Hamburglar: Increase in bicep size. Form fitting shirt with ripped abs. Barbwire tattoo.
Mayor McCheese: Please refer to Hamburglar.
Birdie The Early Bird: Heavy make up with an increase in breast size and high heels.
In addition, McDonald's will introduce the newest member of the family, Tough Guy Todd. Tough Guy Todd will be the first of a new group of “street wise and hard living characters,” that will teach kids street tips such as switchblade maintenance and how to win at three card monte.