The Glowing Reputation of Advertising
You’re at your local supermarket where you have mindlessly and mechanically perused, picked and deposited the same products into the same wheeled cage for the last 30 years.
With the robotic monotony of supermarket shop shelving, it’s very difficult for brands to break your habits, and persuade you haven't bought before. When every product looks the same as it did last week, and your weekly tunnel vision takes you up and down the same aisles, to the same places, how can brands catch your eye? I’ll tell you; they make their products literally glow. Introducing eCoupled, courtesy of Fulton Innovation. Demonstrated at CES earlier in the year, the technology uses inductive coupling to transform surfaces into power sources for battery-powered devices. Surfaces are equipped with a primary transmission coil, which provides power for the devices equipped with a secondary receiving coil.
Fulton Innovation intends to standardize the tech, and attempts to sell it to stores. This may never happen, but for the sake of the forthcoming hyperbole, let’s assume it will.
Introducing this form of branding will force rival brands to take drastic actions to convey the appeal of their products. There will come a time when we’ll bask in the beaming ambiance of every cereal box. But it won’t be enough anymore. We’ll be desensitized to glowing and Fulton Technology will have to introduce a new visual distraction. Then boxes will not only glow, they'll feature artificially intelligent animated mascots who roam the shelves, bounding from box to box in a merry attempt to be adopted by you.
The cereal section will be a sick CGI zoo. The Honey Monster will systematically and repeatedly rape Snap, Crackle and Pop while Professor Weeto, the calamitous curator looks on in horror. Tony the Tiger will finally snap and begin mauling every hand that reaches for his box. Quiky the Nesquick Bunny will be skinned and stewed by Klondike Pete, whom I have always suspected of serious mental instability. No-one should be that friendly with a mule. There will be so much animalistic chaos, when you finally get home to tuck into your Corn Flakes, you’ll open the box to find nothing but chicken shit. Once other brands see the fun the animals are having, they'll jump on the bandwagon too. Before it’s not just your Coco Pops that contain a monkey mascot who suggestively beckons you to his chambers before he rapes your wallet and you leave the store with enough Coco Rocks to last until the earths fiery demise, but it’s every item on every shelf.Continued on the next page